Our home is our own private government

My mother-in-law raised boys to become men. Today, he's more traditionally conservative in-laws look at him and say: He's one of those 'hands-on dads'.
Like, he can change a diaper!!
My mother-in-law didn't do gender stereotypes. As far as she was concerned, in her home, everyone chipped in to get the job done. Her husband, who couldn't even make himself a cup of tea before he married, soon learned not only to cook a Sunday roast, but to do a pretty damn good one too. Shocking, I know.

After posting the questions about equality-definition the other day, I realized that it really doesn't matter much what the government does to help families create balance in the home. If we are not up for changing our attitudes within our own personal sphere it's not gonna work anyway. It has to start in the home, from the beginning, otherwise it's a lost cause. We can get all the paid paternity leave, job-shares, shorter working days and cost-affordable day-cares we want, but if mommy is still doing all the ground-work in the home, it's not gonna change the signals we send our kids anyway.

So you're a woman and your fed up with being stuck in the trap of home-making and being a full-time mother. You'd like to work? Earn yourself a little money? A little independence? Would like to send a positive message to your kids, shake up the gender-rolls a bit?
Good.
But your children won't applaud you for suddenly turning in to a regular Erin Brockovitch, what they will remember is that you came home from a long day at work and still cooked their dinners, washed all their clothes, always made their beds and helped out with the homework, falling a sleep at the table when daddy was surfing on the computer or said goodbye as he left for tennis-practice with the mates.
Guess what your son will be looking for in his future wife? Guess what kind of wife and mother your daughter will become?
Policy change starts at home, in the family.

With a little help on the way we can do big things together

The British government is urging the public services to practice a more "father-inclusive" policy rather than treat the mother as the only guardian in a child's life, yet there is still no talk about longer, paid, paternity leave.

This is the UK. Two weeks paid maternity leave or more is still a thousand light-years ahead of what most US mothers can expect, let alone US fathers, between you and me, US of A has very confused views on importance of family, but that's another blog-post. So let's stick to the point: governments need to change policies in a big way to make fathers inclusive. Only then can we expect fathers to be a natural part of a child's life, and I don't mean being "fun dad" who plays for a few minutes after work, before bed-time, I talk about knowing when to pack for PE, how to schedule a play-date and when to do home-work.

Two people make the decision to have children, yet, somehow, as soon as the child is born, we're one parent short. It's often not the father's fault that he doesn't play at bigger part to play in his children's life; our society often make it plain hard for him.