Oh, the irony, the irony

After finding out her husband had an affair, my FoF is going through a painful divorce and and an even more painful reality check where she has to re-evaluate almost every memory she has as a happy married mother of three. Needless to say, she's having a lot of counseling to help her through this. But what is even worse is that this is also taking it's toll on the children. The two eldest are acting out, and their school work is suffering, so they too are going to weekly counseling sessions. This isn't how she'd ever imagine her life to be.

The husband thinks she's a drama-queen who's using the children to take revenge on him in the only way she can: financially. He has threatened to stop paying for the children's counseling as he is sure his wife is only out to get him.
- It's too expensive, he says. I can't afford to pay for this on top of the mortgage on the house and the rent for my apartment.
Next week he's going to Europe on business combined with pleasure along with his co-worker slash mistress.

Oh, the irony of it all.

Playdates are fun

So one of the many things required of a mother is the ability to schedule play-dates. A mother should also be able to supervise these play-dates, and make them fun, exciting and engaging. She should carry a wide portfolio of baking, science and art activities, and she should also be able to make a variety of lovely foods for picky eaters and mediate to avoid conflicts between two or more tantrum-prone parties.
And even though you didn't sign up for it it comes with the job whether you want to or not.

Because the fact is: men very rarely organize the play-dates. They don't have to sit around endless gatherings with the other mommies and talk about pre-school enrollment and baby yoga while the kids throw sand and hit each other with pink shovels in the sand-pit.

My husband had a go at it once. He met another father at a birthday party, the two started talking, Kate was friends with the girl from school, and just like that, they went to the playground after the party and it wasn't a bad date at all. But Kate wanted more, and nagged and nagged for another play-date, until I subtly had to hint (hit him over the head to wake up, more like it) that maybe could he call the girls father for another date?
- Why can't you do it?
- Because it's your thing. I have all the other things.
Big sigh and lot's of huffing.
- But I don't have time to call him.
- Look, I say. It's your play-date, you started it. I do all the dates with the mothers, for once, here's a dad, and you should be the one going on the date. You will have things to talk about.

I can see it will turn in to a thing.
Kate storms off, muttering something about how she'll never get to play with this girl again.
- But I don't have time to call him. Maybe I'll call him tonight.
- That's all good and well, only a play-date is usually during the day, and tonight you'll have missed your window.
- OK. I'll go. But you you just at least call him and set it up.
- No!

The thing is, it's not about my husband being lazy or not wanting his children to have friends. This is just very new territory for him, and he doesn't know what to do. He can do many things, but he can't spontaneously arrange a play-date.
But guess what. Neither could I before I turned a mother. I just had to learn.
That's it. Most of the things about parenthood is just trial and error.

Small words, big definitions

So what is equality in a relationship? What constitutes a relationship built on equality?

Does both partners work equal hours outside the home as well as in the home?
If one partner work and support the family financially while the other partner is at home and they are both happy with that balance, is that equality?
Does it mean to have equal amount of free time/time to oneself, one's individual needs, interests and hobbies?
Is it to have ones views heard and to be respected for those views?

Is it to take out equal amounts of trash each week?

Shall each family personally determine what works for them, or shall we find a universal mould which each individual family should conform to?

To some women, not having to talk curtains and fabrics the cocktail party, but join the men in talking cars and baseball would be enough. Some women feel they have only reached equality if they can be as foul-mouthed as men without being judged. A lot of women would settle for a lie-in every now and then, and would call that equality.

So what is equality in a relationship?
I'm f***** if I know.