"We have the means for happiness, but no happiness" Virginia Woolf wrote about her marriage to Leonard Woolf. She was indicating that the depression she suffered from, and which subsequently she lost her life to, made it impossible for her to enjoy their relationship to the full. Virginia didn't have any children, but she loved spending time with her nieces and nephews, and to them, she was a much beloved aunt.
Living with depression is a constant struggle and trying to manage it and keep it under wraps takes up an enormous amount of energy. Today is a good day, and I can afford to confess: taking care of my children has been a part-time occupation, battling depression is my full-time job.
This blog is meant to document my life as a mother and for the last year I have written about my frustrations and reactions to what I like to call the parenthood trap. As of today I will have to include another topic in my blog, namely: how you live and cope with depression in a family with young children.
Having recently been diagnosed with the illness my journey has only just begun. Being able to write about it honestly and candidly is going to be very helpful to me. I hope you are patient with me:). The blog will not change. My angry rants will not disappear. This is still very much the angry mother's blog.
But now I will have even more to write about it.
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ReplyDelete(Too many typos in the first version of this comment, so I deleted it!)
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to reading! "Living with" something is an interesting concept to me. For one thing it's true, many things in life don;t go away, we just learn how to live with them. But, people often don't want to talk about it in those terms. My mom, for instance, insists that I should put my cancer "behind me". Well, even if it's gone now, I can't just forget about it. It's going to be with me for ever, and I have to figure out how to make it a part of my life, while at the same time not giving in to it. I think there is a certain type of mourning that comes with letting go of what was before, what used to be "normal", and accepting a new normal.
Hi Lotta - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I agree with you. On even the simplest level, everything that we go through, good or bad, shapes us, who we are, and how we approach things.
ReplyDeleteEven though things were impossible to handle any longer, there is a big part of me who thinks: well, maybe depression is what gave me my edge. My cynical approach and my ability to feel, both the good and the bad. Will that go away when I start my medication?
I will keep posting on my progress!!
Take care, and enjoy the lovely weather we're having
xxx
I wish you all the best! I think you are brave and courageous and I am sure you'll be able to figure this out.
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