Monday, March 16, 2009

To argue with grace

My husband and I had one of our arguments, as usual, last Thursday (the only reason we haven't argued since is because he's been out of town all weekend). This time it was about work, and staying in America, and being happy - at work, and in America. It is no secret. We sacrificed a lot moving over here, both on a professional and personal level, we took a gamble and held our breaths, but so far it has all been worth it. We have a good life here, from a parent's point of view we have a much better life than we had in the UK.

But lately, as is the state of affairs in so many companies in today's climate, things have started to turn a bit rocky and to not go in to too much detail, my husband isn't very happy in his current position any more, and there aren't that many options for him to find a different position, in-house.
- Well, if it doesn't get better, we'll have to move where the job takes us. I can't stay and be un-happy just to keep the family here.

This is classic motherhood-trap territory, because there is nothing I can say. I don't have a work-permit. I certainly don't have enough money to keep us here. Heck, I wouldn't be able to stay here without my husband since I'm here on his visa. Which pretty much makes my situation all about my husband and his choice in the matter.
- Well, I sucked it up way longer than I really could back home, I snap. For six years I was unhappy at home while you were charging up the career ladder. Now, you suck it up for six years.

It's a moot point. We're tired, irritable, and on our second cocktails (having dinner out after a work-do). The fact of the matter is, I wasn't unhappy because I stayed at home, I was unhappy because I was sick. And my husband would never, never, make this decision by himself, and expect the rest of us to follow. I know that. He knows that I know that. But we're turning to stereotype and do the Working Man - Homemaker Wife because that's what we're used to when we argue.

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