Monday, February 9, 2009

A little background

One of the first things that hit me as I became a mother was how isolated women became as soon as they stepped out of the hospital with their new baby and in to their home, where they are expected to adapt this new role as a mother and subsequent house-wife as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Having a baby is not only physically challenging, it is also a mental fuck-up which will take long time to get used to, and there I was, in London, with no support-network, having to find mother-baby groups, learning to maneuver my way around Babies 'R Us and find new and exciting playgrounds to discover. This was very new to me. I had been working as an TV advertising exec, and I knew my job, how to hide a terrible hang-over from the boss, and where to find the best Sunday-brunch.

Some women have planned their own motherhood since they were little girls. Diapers and rash and snugly-toes comes natural to them. But most women, I dare say, find themselves lonely and confused and with no-one to talk to. They become isolated through motherhood because they are suddenly forced to know their way around a a brand new environment without manuals or instructions.

As I was sitting through yet another mother-baby group without being able to share my feelings with anyone I felt more and more desperate. It was clearly obvious that most of these mothers felt as exhausted, and fed-up as I was, yet everyone tried to smile as if nothing was wrong. We were all acting like lobotomized maniacs on Valium.
It was quite scary.

Yet I was telling myself that it must be something wrong with me. I did something wrong. Why wasn't I enjoying every single second with my new child? If all the other mothers were happy, or at least tried their best to be happy, why did I have to go against the grain, as always?

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